They are ready to break any rule if it seems unreasonable. They will always find something to object. Rebels cannot stand conservatism and stagnation. How to get along with people who live in defiance of everything?
Most of us have encountered such people in our childhood. Remember the classmate who was always arguing with the teacher, meowing under the desk and grimacing in group photos?
Growing up, such people remain true to themselves: they argue with the leadership with or without reason, criticize all the «ordinary» ideas and interfere with their radical proposals in every conversation. Whatever you say, they will automatically say otherwise. This is a personality trait that is almost impossible to hide.
“Although rebels may behave in the same way, not all of them are alike,” says American psychologist Robert Sternberg. — Some people are annoyed by unanimity and bureaucracy, others believe that the rules are created to be broken, others think paradoxically and look at life differently from the rest.
Creative people especially often live in spite of everything. Although there are rebels who are not at all creative — they are simply unpleasant. And there are still those who raise their self-esteem through protest behavior.”
They think differently
37-year-old advertising manager Victoria has a great talent for coming up with original and daring ideas. But her way of conveying them causes bewilderment among colleagues, to put it mildly.
“When we discuss a new project with the whole team at the meeting, it inspires me terribly,” says Victoria. “I immediately see how it can be, and I feel that I must share my discovery immediately, even if someone else is talking at the same time. And yes, it’s hard for me to remain calm if a colleague comes up with an idea that doesn’t work.”
She admits that she feels embarrassed when faced with a cold reaction to her intervention, but still cannot realize that she is showing more arrogance and arrogance than creativity.
“You can’t say that such people are stubborn and insolent on purpose,” says psychologist Sandy Mann from the University of Central Lancashire. We may consider rebels to be devil’s advocates, but they often make their eccentric judgments with complete sincerity, and not in order to challenge someone else’s point of view.
They have a talent — to see things from an unexpected angle, to quickly make extraordinary decisions, without fear of other people’s judgments.
Rebels are rarely good at communicating their ideas to others
But if rebels do not want to alienate others, they should focus on teamwork, direct their efforts specifically to solve problems and consciously avoid confrontation.
“To be a “black sheep” in a society with traditional thinking is a whole art. Those who think paradoxically often make mistakes in interpersonal relationships, says business consultant Karl Albrecht. “They rarely know how to correctly communicate their ideas to others: they usually blurt them out as a counterargument in an argument, preventing other people from correctly perceiving them, because they do it rudely and tactlessly.”
Karl Albrecht admits that he himself was once a «black sheep», but he was able to develop the necessary social skills, in particular, the ability to recognize the feelings, moods, state of mind of other people.
“The main problem is not that a person thinks differently, but how he presents his point of view,” he says. “His mannerisms can be intimidating.”
What if you are a rebel?
How to demonstrate your paradoxical thinking without annoying and without antagonizing others? First of all, when you have an unusual idea, articulate it clearly, and only then share it with others.
Try to use the same vocabulary, turns of speech and the same sources of information as your interlocutors. And learn to take it easy when people criticize your ideas.
“Life with rebels and black sheep requires a lot of patience from their loved ones, because it is full of conflicts,” says psychologist Robert Sternberg from the University of Oklahoma. — But for some, such relationships spur and tone up — they even see in frequent skirmishes a manifestation of love.
The only thing a rebel wants is attention to his own position
If both partners like to argue and equally enjoy these disputes, their relationship will only benefit. But beware of getting into a verbal duel with a rebel if you only want one thing: to shut him up as soon as possible.
Sometimes we start arguing in response, thinking that in this way we will protect our rights and achieve the best result for us. But the only thing a rebel wants is attention to his own position. Even if you agree with him on points A and B, points C and D will follow.
Decide what is more important for you: close the topic or continue the fight. There is only one way to calm the rebel — to ignore his remark, and not to cling to it, causing fire on yourself.
Rebel inside everyone
And yet, communication with rebels is useful for each of us. When we refuse to go against others and diligently avoid conflict, we often act to our own detriment, so it would be useful for us to adopt some rebellious qualities.
Sometimes it is simply impossible to state one’s position and draw boundaries without entering into a confrontation. When we dare to say or do something contrary, we affirm not only our individuality, but also the personality of another: «I am not like you, and you are not like me.» In some cases, this is the only way to be yourself.