Kini idi ti o ṣe fa awọn alaimọkan ati bii o ṣe le ṣatunṣe

Are you surprised that you are surrounded by «toxic» people? They hurt, you forgive them again and hope it doesn’t happen again, but they hurt your feelings again and you have no idea how to get out of this situation. You were at the mercy of this relationship because of your best qualities.

You are not alone — I have been in similar situations many times. One friend called me any time she needed help, and I always agreed to help her. But the fact that she constantly broke into my life with her problems undermined my strength.

I eventually learned to set boundaries and say no without feeling guilty. I realized that a friend was using me because of my willingness to help, and this realization helped me to end a relationship that was exhausting and tormenting me.

I do not call for suppressing the desire to help loved ones if they cannot repay the same. I will try to teach you how to resist «toxic» people.

You attract them for the following reasons.

1. YOU SPEND YOUR TIME WITH OTHERS

Generosity and selflessness are wonderful qualities, but “toxic” people are attracted to kindness and nobility. Having captured your attention, they will begin to demand more, you will have to respond to every request, message, SMS, letter, call. The more time you spend on them, the more overwhelmed, exhausted and annoyed you will feel. Identify your own needs and feelings, gradually build boundaries, and say “no” to requests that make you feel uncomfortable.

Building boundaries is difficult: it seems to us something selfish. Remember the instructions for emergency situations when flying: you must put on a mask, and only then help others, even your own children. The conclusion is simple: you cannot save others by needing help. The more power you have, the more you can do, including helping many people, not just ill-wishers and energy vampires.

2. YOU ARE TRUSTFUL AND HONEST IN DREAMS

If you have a dream, then most likely you will attract ill-wishers. Those who gave up their dreams and lost their purpose in life. If you share ideas with them, they will see you as idealistic and perhaps even egotistical. Fear is their ally, they will try to prevent the fulfillment of your dreams. The more you strive to achieve the goal, the more aggressive their attacks will be.

Do not share ideas with people who have demonstrated their «toxicity». Be alert, try not to fall into the trap of their questions. Surround yourself with those who have a goal, who are actively working towards the realization of a dream. Such people will support undertakings and give confidence.

3. YOU SEE THE BEST IN PEOPLE

We usually assume that others are kind. But sometimes we encounter the dark side of human nature, which makes our confidence shake. Do you find it hard to accept that others can be greedy or betrayal? Have you been in a relationship with a narcissist hoping that this person will change? I used to consider «toxic» people a part of my life and thought that I needed to adapt to them and accept them with all their flaws. Now I know it’s not.

Trust your intuition: it will tell you where you are in danger. Don’t suppress your emotions. This can be difficult at first: your intuitive impression of others can make you nervous and irritated. Trust yourself. Let your intuition protect you from the emotional pain that comes with a toxic relationship.

4. YOU ARE GOOD

Are you saying everything is great when you don’t think so? Do you stay calm and patient in stressful situations, try to defuse the atmosphere with jokes? Your calmness attracts those who want to break it by gaining control over you.

I realized that my love for children made me an easy target. For example, I once said to a friend, “I can babysit your kids whenever you want,” and that, in her mind, turned into “every day,” no matter how busy I am. A friend used my responsiveness to her advantage.

Try not to give immediate answers to requests, take a break, promise to think. That way you avoid pressure. Later, you can both agree and answer: “Sorry, but I can’t.”

Don’t let toxic people dictate your terms, keep your goals in mind. Continue to be benevolent and generous, but gradually learn to identify ill-wishers and say goodbye to them.

Orisun: The Hofintini Post.