Òye Ìmọ̀lára Ọkọ Ni Kọ́kọ́rọ́ sí Ìgbéyàwó pípẹ́

Ẹgbẹ kan ti awọn onimo ijinlẹ sayensi lati Yunifasiti ti Washington, ti John Gottman ṣe itọsọna, ṣe iwadii igba pipẹ ti awọn ibatan idile lori apẹẹrẹ ti awọn tọkọtaya 130, ti n ṣakiyesi wọn fun ọdun 6 lati akoko igbeyawo. Ipari: awọn tọkọtaya ti awọn ọkọ pade iyawo wọn ni okun sii.

Fojú inú wo tọkọtaya kan: Maria àti Victor. Ni awọn ọrọ, Victor gba pe dọgbadọgba jẹ bọtini si igbeyawo alayọ ati gigun, ṣugbọn awọn iṣe rẹ ṣe afihan idakeji.

Victor: Emi ati awọn ọrẹ mi n lọ ipeja. A nlọ ni alẹ oni.

Maria: Ṣùgbọ́n àwọn ọ̀rẹ́ mi ń bọ̀ wá bẹ̀ mí wò lọ́la. O ṣe ileri lati ṣe iranlọwọ lati sọ di mimọ. Nje o gbagbe? Ṣe o ko le lọ kuro ni owurọ ọla?

Victor: O gbagbe nipa ipeja! Mi o le kuro ni ọla. A n lọ ni awọn wakati diẹ.

Maria binu. O pe Victor amotaraeninikan o si fo kuro ninu yara naa. Victor ni irẹwẹsi, o tú ọti-waini ati tan-an bọọlu. Maria pa dà wá bá a sọ̀rọ̀, àmọ́ Victor kọ̀ ọ́ sílẹ̀. Màríà bẹ̀rẹ̀ sí í sunkún. Victor sọ pe o nilo lati lọ si gareji ati lọ kuro. Iru awọn ariyanjiyan ni o kun fun awọn ẹsun ti ara ẹni, nitorinaa o ṣoro lati wa idi akọkọ. Ṣugbọn ohun kan ṣe kedere: Victor ko fẹ lati ṣe adehun.

Aifẹ lati gba

Ninu igbeyawo, awọn ẹdun ọkan wa, awọn ibinu ibinu, ibawi laarin ara wọn. Ṣugbọn ti awọn tọkọtaya ko ba gbiyanju lati yanju ija naa, ṣugbọn ki o mu ki o gbin, ni idahun si ara wọn pẹlu odi fun odi, igbeyawo wa ninu ewu. John Gottman tẹnumọ: 65% awọn ọkunrin nikan mu ija naa pọ si lakoko ija kan.

Victor’s reaction suggests that he does not hear Maria’s claims. Instead, he takes a defensive stance and makes counterclaims: how could she forget about his plans. Criticism, defensive behavior, disrespect, ignoring — signals that the husband does not want to make concessions.

Iwa yii jẹ aṣoju fun awọn ọkunrin. Àmọ́ ṣá o, kí ìgbéyàwó lè láyọ̀, àwọn méjèèjì gbọ́dọ̀ ṣiṣẹ́ lórí àjọṣe wọn. Ṣugbọn ọpọlọpọ awọn iyawo ni o ṣe. Wọ́n lè bínú sí ọkọ wọn tàbí kí wọ́n ṣàìbọ̀wọ̀, ṣùgbọ́n wọ́n máa ń jẹ́ kí ọkọ wọn nípa lórí ìpinnu wọn, kí wọ́n máa fi èrò ọkọ àti ìmọ̀lára ọkọ wọn sílò. Ṣùgbọ́n àwọn ọkọ kì í sábà dá wọn lóhùn bákan náà. Bi abajade, iṣeeṣe ikọsilẹ ni awọn tọkọtaya nibiti ọkọ ko ti ṣetan lati pin agbara pẹlu iyawo rẹ dide si 81%.

Awọn iyatọ lati igba ewe

Ohun gbogbo bẹrẹ ni igba ewe. Nigbati awọn ọmọkunrin ba nṣere laarin ara wọn, wọn ṣojumọ lori bori, wọn ko bikita nipa awọn iriri ti awọn oṣere miiran. Bi eyan ba bu ekun re, iyoku ki i se akiyesi. Ni eyikeyi idiyele, ere naa tẹsiwaju.

For girls, emotions are the top priority. If one girl says: «I’m not friends with you,» the game stops. The girls resume the game only after they make up. Girls’ games are better prepared for family life than boys’ games.

Nitoribẹẹ, awọn obinrin wa ti wọn ko ni oye ti ko dara ninu awọn ipa awujọ, ati awọn ọkunrin ti o ni imọlara awọn iriri awọn iriri ti awọn miiran. Sibẹsibẹ, ni apapọ, nikan 35% ti awọn ọkunrin ni o ni ẹbun pẹlu imọran ẹdun ti o ni idagbasoke.

Awọn abajade fun ẹbi

Awọn ọkunrin ti ko ni oye ẹdun kọ lati fi fun awọn iyawo wọn. Wọn bẹru ti sisọnu agbara. Nípa bẹ́ẹ̀, àwọn aya náà kọ̀ láti pàdé irú àwọn ọkọ bẹ́ẹ̀.

A man with developed EI considers his wife’s feelings because he appreciates and respects her. When his wife needs to talk, he turns off the football and listens to her. He chooses «us» instead of «himself». He learns to understand the inner world of his wife, admires her and shows respect by going forward. His satisfaction from sex, relationships and life in general will be much higher than that of a man with low emotional intelligence.

Oun yoo tun jẹ baba ti o dara julọ, nitori pe ko bẹru awọn ikunsinu, yoo kọ awọn ọmọde lati bọwọ fun awọn ẹdun ti ara wọn ati awọn eniyan miiran. Iyawo yoo ni itara jinna si iru ọkunrin bẹẹ. Yóò yíjú sí i nígbà tí inú rẹ̀ bà jẹ́, tí inú rẹ̀ dùn, tàbí tí ìbálòpọ̀ bá ru sókè.

Bi o ṣe le Dagbasoke Imọye Imọlara Ọkọ Rẹ

Anastasia Menn, saikolojisiti

If a husband has low emotional intelligence, he most likely does not notice the detrimental effects on the relationship and does not consider this a problem. Don’t put pressure on him. It’s better to act differently. Talk about your emotions: «I’m upset,» «I’m so glad,» «this might offend.»

Ṣe akiyesi ati ṣe akiyesi awọn ẹdun rẹ: “o binu”, “o dun pupọ nigbati…”.

Pay your husband’s attention to the emotions of people from your environment: «did you notice how Sonya was delighted when …», «Vasily is so sad that …».

Maṣe bẹru lati fi awọn ẹdun ọkan han. Kigbe ti o ba fẹ. Rerin. Ni ọna yii ọkọ rẹ yoo kọ ẹkọ lati ọdọ rẹ. Awọn ẹdun jẹ apakan pataki ti igbesi aye wa. Laanu, a ko nigbagbogbo san ifojusi si wọn, ṣugbọn o wa ni agbara wa lati ṣe atunṣe eyi.