Awọn akoonu
- 1. Someone you dated didn’t feel attracted to you.
- 2. He’s just ill-bred
- 3. You brought your ex with you.
- 4. Your date was more like an interview.
- 5. The first date took too long.
- 6. You didn’t show your interest.
- 7. You were late and did not warn about it
- 8. You are tired of searching, and you can feel it.
- 9. You didn’t write to him yourself.
Did you say something wrong? Or maybe they did? Or is it all about him — and, if so, he is not worth you? Family therapists have found 9 most likely answers to the question that torments you. So why didn’t you get a second date?
1. Someone you dated didn’t feel attracted to you.
However, it is better to know the truth than to be deceived. Only half of those who came for a consultation with Jenny Apple, a relationship coach from Los Angeles, said that on the first date they felt something for their chosen one. The rest said that there was no physical interest and they did not want to talk about it directly in correspondence or on the phone.
“My advice is not to take it personally. These are statistics, which means that it will happen more than once, and not only with you. For one person who doesn’t feel attracted to you, there are two who find you physically attractive.»
2. He’s just ill-bred
This is the first thing that comes to mind when your new friend didn’t call back and disappeared. Such people exist, and it is quite possible that this is your case. Often those who are not ready for a relationship, or those who have other priorities, disappear without warning. Perhaps he decided to return to his previous relationship or look further. In any case, his disappearance is welcome.
3. You brought your ex with you.
Don’t go to the dark side of the street talking about your ex, much less complaining about it, says New York-based coach Fay Goldman. “No one wants to see the anger on your face and hear unpleasant things on the day they first see you. The interlocutor will begin to imagine himself in the place of the one you are talking about, and this will make him run away from such a relationship.
4. Your date was more like an interview.
There are so many things I want to know about your new acquaintance: what if this is the same person with whom you will spend your whole life? Quite possible. But try not to hurt yourself by blurting out a series of questions that will make the person feel like they’re in a job interview, says coach Neely Steinberg.
“Sometimes single people are overly cautious and want to know everything about their possible chosen one to the smallest detail, when the connection itself is still very thin. This causes a desire to defend against such an aggressive interest. Do not overdo it».
5. The first date took too long.
For the first date, it is most often advised to choose a small cafe. Half an hour is enough to drink coffee. During this time, you can chat without going into the jungle, leave a good impression about yourself and interest. Therefore, coach Damon Hoffman advises clients to set aside an hour or two for the first date and no more.
The tale of Cinderella was also about this.
“It is important to keep the energy at the maximum, the date should end as if in the middle. Then, meeting you next time, the man will expect to continue, and he will be interested.
6. You didn’t show your interest.
Maybe you often answered messages on your phone. Or they looked away and hardly looked into his eyes. Or maybe you looked like there were better things to do. These are just a few examples of what might seem like a lack of interest, says Mei Hu of Southern California. «And don’t forget to look into the eyes of your new acquaintance, otherwise you will be considered ill-mannered.»
7. You were late and did not warn about it
It’s very easy to warn you that you’re running late if this happens, and respect for other people’s time always pays off and makes a good impression. The situation when he was waiting for her in one place, and she in another, is unlikely today. This is possible, unless both lose their phones. Coach Samantha Burns advises that when going on a first date, plan your time in the same way as you do on the eve of an interview.
8. You are tired of searching, and you can feel it.
Scrolling through the photos of hundreds of applicants on your phone, brushing off those you don’t like, it’s easy to become a cynic.
If that’s the case and you’re fed up with new faces, take a break, says Deb Basinger, a coach who works with women over 40. “My number one tip is: you should invest in the process with absolutely no regard for profit. Repeat it like a mantra and it will help.”
9. You didn’t write to him yourself.
Remember: you are the same active side of the process as he is. If you want to see your new acquaintance again, take a chance, get in touch first, coach Laurel House advises. What used to be considered mandatory rules for a first date: “the girl should be a little late, the man should call first” — now it no longer works.
Sometimes it happens that both want to meet again, but are waiting for who will call first. Just write a message in the morning: “Thank you for a pleasant evening” and say that you will be glad to meet again.
Sometimes that’s all it takes.