Awọn eniyan pade, ṣubu ni ifẹ ati ni aaye kan pinnu lati gbe papọ. Psychotherapist Christine Northam, a odo tọkọtaya, Rose ati Sam, ati Jean Harner, onkowe ti Clean Home, Clean Heart, soro nipa bi o si irorun awọn ilana ti nini lo si kọọkan miiran.
Ngbe papọ pẹlu alabaṣepọ kii ṣe ayọ nikan ti pinpin awọn ounjẹ alẹ, wiwo awọn ifihan TV ati ibalopo deede. Eyi ni iwulo lati pin ibusun nigbagbogbo ati aaye ti iyẹwu pẹlu eniyan miiran. Ati pe o ni ọpọlọpọ awọn aṣa ati awọn ẹya ti iwọ ko ti mọ tẹlẹ tẹlẹ.
Christine Northam ni idaniloju pe ṣaaju ki o to jiroro ibagbepo pẹlu alabaṣepọ kan, o nilo lati dahun ni otitọ fun ararẹ ni ibeere idi ti o nilo lati ṣe igbesẹ yii.
“This is a serious decision that involves self-denial in the name of the interests of a partner, so it is important to consider whether you want to live with this person for many years. You may just be in the grip of your emotions,” she explains. — Often only one person in a couple is ready for a serious relationship, and the second lends itself to persuasion. It is necessary that both partners want this and realize the seriousness of such a step. Discuss all aspects of your future life together with your partner.”
Alice, 24, ati Philip, 27, dated fun nipa odun kan ati ki o gbe ni jọ odun kan ati ki o kan idaji seyin.
“Philip n pari adehun fun iyalo iyẹwu kan, a si ronu: kilode ti o ko gbiyanju lati gbe papọ? A ko mọ ohun ti a reti lati igbesi aye papọ. Ṣùgbọ́n tí o kò bá lọ́wọ́ nínú ewu, àjọṣe náà kò ní dàgbà,” Alice sọ.
Now young people have already «got used». They rent housing together and plan to buy an apartment in a few years, but at first, not everything was smooth.
Ṣaaju ṣiṣe ipinnu nipa gbigbe papọ, o ṣe pataki lati wa iru ihuwasi ti alabaṣepọ, ṣabẹwo si, wo bi o ṣe n gbe.
“Ní ìbẹ̀rẹ̀pẹ̀pẹ̀, inú bí mi nínú Fílípì nítorí pé kò fẹ́ láti wẹ̀ ara rẹ̀ mọ́. O dagba laarin awọn ọkunrin, ati pe emi dagba laarin awọn obinrin, ati pe a ni lati kọ ẹkọ pupọ lati ọdọ ara wa,” Alice ranti. Fílípì gbà pé òun ní láti túbọ̀ wà létòlétò, ọ̀rẹ́bìnrin òun sì ní láti fara mọ́ òtítọ́ náà pé ilé náà kò ní mọ́ tónítóní.
Jean Harner is sure: before making a decision about living together, it is important to pay attention to the personality type of the partner. Visit him, see how he lives. “If you feel uncomfortable because of the chaos around you, or, conversely, you are afraid of dropping a crumb on a perfectly clean floor, you should think about it. The habits and beliefs of adults are difficult to change. Try to negotiate compromises that each of you is willing to make. Discuss each other’s needs beforehand.»
Christine Northam ni imọran pe awọn tọkọtaya ti n gbero igbesi aye papọ gba lori ohun ti wọn yoo ṣe ti awọn isesi, awọn ibeere tabi igbagbọ ti ọkan ninu wọn ba di ohun ikọsẹ.
“Bí èdèkòyédè bá wáyé nínú ilé, ẹ máa gbìyànjú láti má ṣe dá ara yín lẹ́bi nígbà ooru náà. Ṣaaju ki o to jiroro iṣoro naa, o nilo lati "tutu" diẹ. Nikan nigbati ibinu ba lọ, o le joko ni tabili idunadura lati tẹtisi imọran ara ẹni, "o gba imọran ati pe awọn alabaṣepọ lati sọ nipa awọn imọlara wọn ki o si nife ninu ero alabaṣepọ: "Inu mi dun nigbati mo ri oke kan. ti idọti aṣọ lori pakà. Ṣe o ro pe ohun kan le ṣee ṣe lati yago fun eyi lati ṣẹlẹ lẹẹkansi?
Ni akoko pupọ, Alice ati Philip gba pe ọkọọkan yoo ni aaye ti ara wọn ni ibusun ati ni tabili ounjẹ. Eyi mu diẹ ninu ija laarin wọn kuro.
Ngbe papọ mu awọn ibatan wa si tuntun, ipele igbẹkẹle diẹ sii. Ati pe awọn ibatan wọnyẹn tọsi ṣiṣẹ lori.
Orisun: olominira.