Awọn akoonu
Three reactions to a threat: freeze, run, fight — are firmly «sewn» into the brain. They protected distant ancestors from predators and to this day help to respond to the undesirable actions of others. How can we use them, these ancient defenses, to determine the type of character of the interlocutor, and even our own?
In the last article, we talked about three groups of characters: «weird», «theatrical» and «disturbing» — and the representatives of these groups. Character can be determined by several criteria, including the type of psychological defense that the interlocutor uses. In a situation of danger, «strange» people tend to freeze, «theatrical» — to fight, «anxious» — to run away.
HOW TO DEFINE THE CHARACTER BY THE TYPE OF PSYCHOLOGICAL PROTECTION
Protecting yourself from unpleasant information and experiences is natural, but sometimes the idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbwhat happened is distorted, and we begin to live in the kingdom of crooked mirrors.
I have a sore throat There are two types of defenses: denial and withdrawal. They may not allow unwanted information into consciousness, deny the obvious, or move away from unbearable situations into the world of fantasy and dreams, into themselves, into illness. With such a person, you feel alone together: physically he is near, but emotionally far away.
Idaabobo ikanra — projection, completion of reality. They attribute to others their own thoughts, feelings, motives for actions and character traits. It is easier to recognize socially unapproved qualities in another (envy, ignorance, aggression) than in oneself. Hence the unconscious need to distort reality.
Awọn sitẹriọdu acting out and acting out are characteristic: they relieve internal tension through conflict or make others feel anxiety and their own inferiority. They use repression and sexualization to help them get rid of shame, maintain self-respect, and deal with anxiety.
Narcissus idealization is inherent: they look at others through rose-colored glasses. This gives them a sense of security and hope for the best. Charm is inevitably replaced by depreciation.
Depressive-manic introjection is characteristic: they make decisions and act on the basis of other people’s views and beliefs — introjects. They «swallow» the values of the people who care for them in early childhood without «digesting» or thinking critically about them. Often they do not live their own lives, not understanding what they really want.
Idaabobo masochists Moralizing: They moralize and feel they are obligated to follow through on their decision to be submissive and tolerate violence. In this way, they rise above the aggressor and receive «sympathetic indignation» from others, doing nothing to improve their situation.
obsessive-compulsive isolation, cancellation and reactive formation are characteristic. They are characterized by obsessive thoughts, urges and actions. They separate their own thoughts from feelings in order to avoid unnecessary experiences, and this makes them look like robots. They can also «undo» what they have done — unconsciously destroying a traumatic thought or emotion, or transforming a negative into a positive: hostility into friendliness, hatred into love. Man convinces himself that everything he feels is related to only one pole.
In order to maintain self-respect, to avoid judgment and negative experiences, we automatically resort to the usual defenses. But it is in our power to learn to consciously use them when they are effective and useful, and to reduce their influence when they distort the facts and bring discord into relationships.
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR EACH CHARACTER TYPE
I have a sore throat it is common to distance and automatically reject intimacy, and this needs to be worked on. When you feel like pulling away, remind yourself that closeness is important to you, you’re just afraid of it. If you keep in mind the desire for love, it will be easier to overcome fear and stay in touch with a communication partner.
When you are silent, do not talk about yourself, do not ask for anything, this can cause anxiety in him. Get involved, say what you need. You can say: “I get tired of frequent meetings. I need to be alone, digest the impressions. Tell us how often you would like to see each other and talk on the phone.
Involvement in relationships is hindered by the fact that you suppress anger, learn to openly express discontent. For example: “I feel uncomfortable when you ask so many questions”, “I get angry when you write to me so often. I can’t answer that fast.»
paranoialam it is necessary to control negativism and exactingness and learn to cope with situations that pose a real or imaginary threat. You can ask yourself: “Maybe I am overreacting, “winding” myself? What makes me think this person is hostile? Is it possible to react differently to what happened? How, in what words, in what tone?
Stop yourself if you want to criticize, correct, clean up someone. Learn to show care: gently touch others, speak kind words at the right time. Strive for a balance between work and life. Control emotional and physical overload through bodily sensations, alternating tension and relaxation.
Awọn sitẹriọdu it is necessary to control the excessive manifestation of feelings, the fear of sex, the withdrawal into childhood. The fact that you often worry and overreact excessively, deprives you of the ability to think sensibly, exhausts both you and those around you. Train emotional resilience and stability. Stop striving for competition, greater status and power. Use erotica and sex as an expression, not as a defense.
Maintain a positive self-image. Look for confidence and self-respect in an adult position and the ability to make independent decisions. Feel the strength in your various qualities: friendliness, caring, spontaneity and ease.
Narcissus it is necessary to control the constant ranking, evaluation and depreciation. Do not exalt others to the skies and do not vilify them. Try to change the attitude towards yourself by replacing perfectionism with self-support. Recognize the right to make mistakes, do not engage in excessive self-criticism. Stop needing external confirmation of your worth. When experiencing shame, remember that everyone experiences this feeling. Study yourself to know who you really are, what your true feelings and needs are.
Learn to distinguish your feelings from the desire to please or impress others. Express emotions without shame, do not be afraid to admit dependence on others. You can remain beautiful, strong, infallible and lonely in their eyes, or you can admit your imperfection, show weakness and dependence and find the warmth of human relationships. Learn to ask for what you need.
Depressive-manic you need to reduce compliant behavior to a reasonable minimum and become more resistant to criticism. Stop being nice out of fear of being rejected.
Freedom to express negative feelings enhances intimacy, while falseness and lack of contact with feelings leads to alienation and psychosomatic reactions. Protect your desires and interests, express dissatisfaction that was previously directed inward and made you unhappy. Try to avoid complete merging. You are capable of autonomy and separation from significant people. Learn self-support and self-care. Stop judging yourself for imaginary sins and bad thoughts, avoid those who condemn you.
I was joking you need to move away from the humiliating relationship «dominance-submission». Learn to control manifestations of humility, begin to improve the situation in the family and at work. Defend your rights respectfully and assertively and watch the effect. You will see that this will not destroy the relationship. Standing up for rights versus suffering earns respect. Allow yourself to express disagreement or annoyance about a significant issue. State needs from an adult perspective.
Practice healthy selfishness, encourage the desire for success in yourself. If you have achieved it, congratulate yourself and celebrate the victory. Stop risking your life and health. Get out of the relationship if you get out in a situation of violence, and strive for cooperation, partnership. Make a list of 100 wishes and start fulfilling them.
On the actions and decisions that take obsessive-compulsivestrongly influenced by feelings of guilt. It is important to reduce this influence, stop resisting the expression of feelings and strive for honesty. Enjoy the feeling experience. Allow yourself any spontaneous actions to shake yourself up and feel alive: make faces at the mirror, make faces for yourself, jump around like a child. Allow yourself to be funny, ridiculous.
Express anger openly instead of your usual passive aggression. Protest if something does not suit you or if your boundaries are not considered. Stop suppressing «wrong» desires and impulses. You don’t have to be perfect and virtuous all the time.
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Study, observe yourself. Give your partner feedback on how you feel in contact with him, how you feel when he does or does not do something about you. Observe the reaction to your emotional response, take into account its feedback, stay in dialogue and negotiate.
New and unfamiliar forms of response will bring tangible changes in self-esteem, mood and behavior. Having found your true «I», you will begin to build life in accordance with your own desires and ideas. Temporary discomfort on the path of change is inevitable, but the reward will be relationships that bring joy and satisfaction.