Narcissistic parents sometimes raise their children in an attempt to raise them to be «ideal» personalities. Psychoanalyst Gerald Schonewulf tells one of the stories of such an upbringing.
I’ll tell you the story of a boy from whom his mother tried to raise a «little genius.» She also considered herself an unrevealed genius and was convinced that her family had prevented her intellectual abilities from developing to the fullest.
She gave birth to a son, Philip, late and from the very beginning perceived the child as a means of satisfying her needs. He was needed to brighten up her loneliness and prove that her family was wrong about her. She wanted the boy to idolize her, an amazing mother, but the main thing is that he grows up as a genius, a continuation of her own «genius».
From birth, she inspired Philip that he was better than his peers — smarter, more beautiful and generally “higher class”. She did not allow him to play with the neighborhood children, fearing that they would «spoil» him with their «base» hobbies. Even during her pregnancy, she read aloud to him and did everything to raise her son to be an intelligent, precocious child who would become a symbol of her success. By the age of three, he could already read and write.
In elementary school, he was far ahead of other children in terms of development. He «jumped» through the class and became the favorite of the teachers. Philip far surpassed his classmates in academic performance and seemed to fully justify the hopes of his mother. However, the children in the class started bullying him. In response to complaints, the mother replied: “They are just jealous of you. Do not pay attention to them. They hate you because they are worse than you in everything. The world would be a better place without them.»
He could no longer console himself with the fact that he was simply envied: his academic performance had dropped significantly, and now there was nothing to envy
Throughout his time in high school, his mother was completely in charge of Philip. If the boy allowed himself to doubt her instructions, he was severely punished. In the class, he remained an outcast, but explained this to himself by his superiority over his classmates.
The real problems began when Philip entered an elite college. There he ceased to stand out against the general background: there were enough smart students in the college. In addition, he was left alone, without constant mother’s protection. He lived in a dorm with other guys who thought he was weird. He could no longer console himself with the fact that he was simply envied: his academic performance had dropped significantly, and now there was nothing to envy. It turned out that in fact his intelligence is below average. His fragile self-esteem was crumbling.
It turned out that there was a real abyss between the person that his mother taught him to be and the real Philip. Previously, he was an excellent student, but now he could not pass several subjects. The other students made fun of him.
He was furious: how dare these «nobodies» laugh at him? Most of all, he was hurt by the ridicule of girls. He did not grow into a handsome genius at all, as his mother said, but, on the contrary, he was undersized and unattractive, with a short nose and small eyes.
After several incidents, he ended up in a psychiatric hospital, where he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
In retaliation, Philip began to arrange mischief with classmates, break into girls’ rooms, once even tried to strangle one of the students. After several similar incidents, he ended up in a psychiatric hospital, where he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. By that time, he had delusional ideas that he was not just a genius, but also had extraordinary abilities: for example, he could kill a person on the other side of the world with the power of thought. He was sure that his brain had special neurotransmitters that no one else had.
After a few years in a psychiatric hospital, he became good enough at pretending to be healthy and got himself released. But Philip had nowhere to go: when he got to the hospital, his mother became furious, made a scandal in the administration of the hospital and died there of a heart attack.
But even when he was on the street, Philip continued to consider himself superior to others and believed that he was only pretending to be homeless in order to hide his superiority from others and protect himself from persecution. He still hated this whole world that refused to recognize his genius.
Philip hoped that she would finally be the person who appreciated his genius.
Once Philip went down to the subway. His clothes were dirty, he smelled bad: he had not washed for many weeks. At the edge of the platform, Philip saw a beautiful young girl. Since she looked smart and sweet, he hoped that she would finally be the kind of person who appreciated his genius. He approached her and asked for the time. The girl gave him a quick glance, appreciated his repulsive appearance, and quickly turned away.
I disgust her, thought Philip, she is just like everyone else! He remembered the rest of the college girls who made fun of him, but in fact were unworthy to even be around him! I remembered my mother’s words that the world would be a better place without some people.
As the train pulled into the station, Philip pushed the girl onto the tracks. Hearing her heartbreaking cry, he felt nothing.