We do not always need someone to try to fix everything and offer a solution to the problem. Sometimes you want a loved one to be there and show sympathy. How to do it right, says psychologist Aaron Karmine.
It happens that we need empathy and a warm attitude from a loved one, but instead we meet a «business» approach. And because of this, we feel even worse — it begins to seem to us that we are alone and do not understand us. How to learn to better understand a partner and show empathy? Here are some ideas.
1. Clear your mind of everything superfluous and fully focus on the interlocutor.
2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
Try to look into your partner’s eyes more often, but do not overdo it so as not to cause discomfort. Eye contact helps you stay focused on the conversation, and it also conveys a lot of important information.
It is much easier to understand the emotions of the interlocutor if you pay attention to body language. This will help avoid mutual misunderstanding and the temptation to attribute your own emotions to the other — after all, non-verbal signals clearly show us how he really feels.
3. Listening to the story, try to understand how the loved one felt when the events took place, and what he is going through now, remembering them.
The partner needs our support. We must be emotionally open so that he can share his experiences. At the same time, it is not so important that we delve into all the details of the story — although they are also worth paying attention to. We help already by listening and seeing his mental pain.
4. Show your partner that you are serious about his personal experiences and accept them.
Everyone has the right to subjective emotions. It is important to show your partner that we respect his feelings and take them seriously. You don’t have to try to change them. Just accept that this is how he feels right now and let him.
5. Reflect gently and unobtrusively on your partner’s feelings to show that you understand.
For example, he complains: “Terrible day. There was a meeting at work — I thought that we would talk about one thing, but they discussed something completely different. When it was my turn to speak, I felt like a complete idiot, and the boss was clearly very unhappy.”
How to express his feelings? Say, «I’m sorry it happened, dear, it must be very unpleasant.» You acknowledge the feelings of your partner and do not try to evaluate what happened. This is a simple and quick way to show that you understand his feelings well, and at the same time not distract him from the story.
6. Fi ẹ̀mí ìbánikẹ́dùn hàn.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is hug. It happens that we sympathize with a person, although we cannot fully share his experiences. In this case, not words will help better, but actions — non-verbal expressions of love and support.
What should be done? It depends on what the loved one prefers — some want to be hugged in difficult times, others will be cheered up by a slight smile, and it is important for someone to hold hands.
7. Ask what you can do.
Perhaps the partner needs to be listened to, or he wants to hear your opinion. Or he needs your help. In order not to guess and give him exactly what he needs now, it is best to ask him directly what he needs now.
Nipa onkọwe: Aaron Carmine jẹ onimọ-jinlẹ nipa ile-iwosan ni Awọn iṣẹ Ẹkọ nipa Iṣọkan Ilu Ilu ni Chicago.